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      09-02-2011, 06:41 PM   #182

Drives: 335i
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Webster NY

iTrader: (1)

Originally Posted by mylydiamy View Post

I am glad that you were able to take advantage of your step daughter's illegal activities.

Unfortunately, I have no such luck. My soon to be ex is as clean as it gets. No adultery (at least as far as I know), no hidden assets, no illegal activity, nothing... I have trying to come up something that I can use as bargaining chips but no luck so far...

As far as divorce lawyers concerned, I agree with you 110%. Unfortunately everyone in divorce needs one. I am trying to get the best one consulting as many as I could (so far 4 and I am planning to see 2-3 more). Basically they all told me the same thing : Most likely I am in for life about 3-4K a month alimony and $1000-$1500 child support until my daughter graduates from college. I am trying get the smartest one using my instincts.

I didn't expect to find that out, but my point was that if you look hard enough, you'll find something to give you leverage in a negotiation. You said you were working hard while she was out partying, there's a start, build on that.

One thing to be clear on, you don't HAVE to pay anything...the outlines are there if you end up litigating. Those guidelines are there for the judge to follow if you and your ex can't come to a resolution. Unfortunately, spouses seem to think they're ENTITLED to that. There are two sides to each argument, screw entitlement.

Another option to consider is collaborative law. If you're not familiar with that, it's where you and your ex promise NOT to litigate and instead try to reason and bargain with each other. It is a far more civil method and is starting to gain traction in many states.

Please don't take anything I say as an attack on you, I truly know and feel what you're going through. I'd be more than happy to listen to anything you have to say. My whole position is that we (males) needn't be taken advantage of by a system that expects us to just roll over and "pay up".

Best wishes to you through this whole ordeal, I really mean that.