Commit to counseling and get it fixed. It's infinitely cheaper and happier. You cannot see this now, but please take my word for it. You will be forced by the court to have a relationship with your wife (through alimony and all the child rearing issues) anyway.
I am divorced and happily remarried and have a black cloud of doubt, debt, and remorse that follows me around anyway.
Man-up and make it work. This is your best chance for happiness. Let me restate, you WILL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with your wife for the rest of your life. Do you want it to be a legal-conflict based one or one you define?
And I really feel for you, man. Nothing is worse.